I should choke on my insecurity and die =[

today was pretty. weather was nice and it felt good. today like any other normal Wednesdays, i went to school. on the way there, i received my good morning text my my sweetheart like usual. idk why but even though he does that almost every morning, i still get the warm feeling of love. and like usual, babe beat me to school. when i got inside, he was playing 13 with his friend so i joined too. and the rest of the day went beautifully just like that. after school, i went to the school library with him to pick up our books White Tiger. After that we proceed to going to our last track meet. This one was against English high and i swear im not going to do well. As it turns out, i did and got first place =] Babe also did pretty well even though he does not agree. during his last last, about 20m left to the finish line, this stupid kid from English pushed him and caused him to almost fall. I hate how people dont look where they are going when they run. Please, you have eyes. I beat my PR (personal record)! i got a 6:48 or something like that and my old record used to be a 7:02. i feel really happy! =] then after baby finished the 1000m, he came and proceed to tell me that *she who must not be named* is also there. I cant believe that she's in the same building as me. I start to wonder, my heartbeat racing, my insecurities flood my brain causing my to suffocate and slowly yet painfully drown in my own deep thoughts. i feel as though she has a purpose, there are too many people like her, i know too many of them that lets me know that her purposes are wicked. Maybe shes only here for her friends at English High but i know now to not think that way because i have already experience the way she play in the game of love and heartbreaks. She is too calm, too smiley. For some, a smile can hide the sorrow in their heart like mine. For others like her, it is used to hide evil plans too obscene to be spoken of. I cant help but try to make sure that isaiah was not affected by her unwanted presence. I dislike the fact that every time shes's around me or him, i feel like the person i was six terrifying months ago. As we sit and watch the 2 mile race, "swag" came to isaiah and together they had a conversation. In his hand, Swag held a box of what appears to look like bake goods. I know they are made by that person. After Swag left, isaiah told me that she made him cheesecake and instantly i feel a flush of anger. I dont know where it came from, me,him, or her, or maybe its a combination of all three. Angry because i should be the one making him food, angry because shes still trying to get him, to fuck with my mind, angry because he still have this connection with her that i want to rip apart but i know i dont have the strength to. I said "we need to have a talk right now!" he held onto me tightly but not too tightly for fear that he might hurt me. His hug was meant to make me feel secure but it was not helping "calm down " he said. so i did. i am beyond upset by the fact that she can ruin my mood just like that. When we were leaving, she was just there outside the door as if she was waiting for him or something. We walked past her and i stared at her, all the while she was smiling. Smiling like she has something to say, as if she know something that i dont, as if she has a plan or something to yet ruin my life again. NO! i dont like it one bit. He went to the orange line with me and when hes about to leave, i wanted him to stay forever. i kissed him as passionately as i can. no, as demanding as i can like it was a way for me to tell him my unspoken words. i keep having this horrible thought that he might just go back and find her and hang out with her for the day or that shes going to go talk and text MY BOYFRIEND. i waited for his text and every time he doesnt text me right back , i get so scared and paranoid. i dont like this, i dont want this, i dont deserve this. i went to Sweets first and got an Oreo and Cream Cupcake, then i went to CVS with Darlene. while being there, he send me one of the most reassuring text ever. i could feel the tears building up in my eyes. i love him. so much. sometimes its breathtaking, my lungs could collapse any second. i love love love him. and no matter how many times i say it, it just cant express enough. i know love is a strong and i know this is.